I was born in Sydney and grew up in a dysfunctional family. While I was well behaved in public, I was insecure, hurting, angry, and a rebel in secret. My parents moved around a lot. The longest I ever lived in one city was five years and, in that time, I was in three different houses & three different schools. We moved to the United States when I was twelve. That was a big move to a completely different culture and threw me for a loop. I had never learned to be honest about what was going on inside of me or process my emotions. I just kept bottling up a whole lot of horrible feelings. By the time I was eighteen and moved out of my parent’s house, I was an angry explosion waiting to happen.

I remember the 1st time I ever got drunk. I sat there and just kept pinching myself. I was numb & I loved the feeling. I’m not a fan of hangovers and I greatly dislike the feeling of not being in control but I just kept trying different narcotics until I found the one that I liked the most. Any substance to help me escape reality and stay numb.

My life went from bad to worse and eventually, I hit rock bottom being dope sick and on the run from people & the police in Indianapolis, Indiana, in the middle of winter. I had been hiding in a broken-down car for a few days, so sick I wanted to die, completely alone, very scared, dead broke and very very cold. I had just been to court a few weeks earlier and lost custody of my daughter. I hadn’t spoken to my oldest daughter in six years.

I had overdosed twice in two weeks, been given Narcan by paramedics to bring me back & ended up in the emergency room. I was a wreck. It came down to making a change or dying.

Before coming into Transformations I had been in active addiction for over 25 years. Alcohol & weed led to a lot of Cocaine & Benzos. I used hallucinogen’s like LSD & mushrooms every chance I could. At times I got to the point that I didn’t feel comfortable unless the walls were moving. Eventually, I settled on opiates in pill form & they led to shooting heroin & methamphetamine. I used narcotics so I could not feel any emotion at all beyond euphoria. I left behind a wreckage of failed relationships & failed endeavours. I was a shell of a human being filled with pain, hurt & regret. I felt like I was sleepwalking my way through life & nothing really mattered. I didn’t have much of a conscience and did most anything and everything to stay high. It was a horrible way to live.

Transformations has given me a safe place to work on myself, heal & to grow. It provided a safe environment where I could cry out years of built-up pain, guilt, and regret without being judged. It put me in positions where I was forced to confront my attitudes and behaviours and supported and encouraged me when all I wanted to do was run. I’ve learned how to process my behaviours and emotions without feeling shame. I’ve learned how to sit with uncomfortable feelings without engaging in self-destructive behaviours until I have an opportunity to take a look inside myself and see what’s going on. It’s taught me the importance of firm, healthy boundaries and how to place them. I’ve had the opportunity to come alongside other people in recovery and support them, causing me to grow in self-confidence. It helped me to become engaged in a local church where I am loved, supported & feel at home.

Most importantly, it taught me to be ok with being me, love myself, and relax and enjoy life. Transformations saved me and has given me hope for the future.